scenicroadway

Inspiration through photos, writing, & quotes

Light at the end of the tunnel

Since the beginning of the semester, my professor has had us do “free writes” at the beginning of class. I never quite found the meaning of the word “free” in that title considering each one required a response to a prompt. The other day, we did something different: an actual free write. She told us to write about anything we wanted to. It could be an interest, something that’s bothering us, a story… anything. Originally I thought I wouldn’t have much to say (especially since I’ve been out of words lately–noticeably so, on this blog). Boy, was I wrong. In the short 10 minutes we had to write, I filled up two pages. Below is a “touched up” version of my free write.

(I apologize that this doesn’t really have the best flow, but my brain is currently tattered.)

What they see is not what I see.

We are so quick to judge this world and the people in it. Instead of taking the time to learn, we just jump to conclusions and misjudgements. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself, but not anymore. With all the bad things going on lately, I’ve come to realize how important it is to find the beauty in the bad. Because it’s there. Beauty is always there. You just have to be willing to look for it. I’m not talking about physical beauty, I mean the ability to see the positives in the worst of situations. That, my friends, is true beauty.

As previously mentioned, I am in the midst of a painful break up and the devastating loss of a friend (as well as a difficult college transfer process, and finals week). I’ve been hurting, a lot. And that’s an understatement of how horrible I’ve been feeling. But fortunately, I’m slowly starting to find the beauty in these difficult events. I realized that these past few weeks I’ve been focusing on every possible negative I could find (which I guess is easy to do when you’re hurting).

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I’ve been given one of the greatest gifts, and that’s to love and be loved in return. What I had with my boyfriend was great, and it was real. And even though he is gone, the love I have for him isn’t. It’s sad, and it hurts, but all I can do is continue to love him and be grateful for the all the happiness he gave me. People tend to chalk love up to a “complicated” subject. But to me, it’s not. You either love someone or you don’t, but there is no in-between. Sure, I dislike the way things ended, and the way I was treated, but that doesn’t make me love him any less. Despite all the hurt and tears, I would do anything for him in a heartbeat. And that’s how I know that I’ve experienced love. That’s how I know I am still in love. The beauty in this break up is that I know how to love unconditionally. When I think about it, I may have lost him, but I still have the greatest gift of all. That is beautiful.

As for the death of my friend, I am starting to find the beauty in that as well. That may sound absolutely horrible, but just hear me out. Since the loss of Rachel, I’ve realized how unpredictable life is. I’ve learned how valuable it is to say what you need to say, before it’s too late. Now I know that in times of tragedy, your real friends walk in. I miss Rachel a lot. I still haven’t fully accepted that she is gone (and I don’t know that I ever will). But the beauty of this horrible situation is that she may physically be gone, but the memories she left behind are not. The impact she had on my life (and the lives of many others) is clearer now than ever. So tomorrow as we all say our final, teary-eyed goodbyes, I will know that Rachel is still very much alive in my heart.

If you’re going through a tough time, just realize that you are not alone. Everyone struggles. No one lives in a perfect world. Hard times are only hard when you struggle to find the beauty in them. If you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, then you will keep walking in darkness.

Photo Credit: Sara Lange

 

 

 

 

 

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4 comments on “Light at the end of the tunnel

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