Inspiration through photos, writing, & quotes
Those of you that have been following my blog for awhile know that I often write about time and change. If you were expecting something different in this post, I’m sorry!
Lately, I’ve been doing really good. I’ve been really happy, productive, and overall just at a good point in my life. I’m finally learning to be happy with who I am (flaws and all). I’m learning to accept myself and be proud of who I am. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to be imperfect. I’m loved by great family, friends, a great guy, and most importantly, myself….and that’s really all I need.
I’ve been working really hard at making subtle changes in my life. A few weeks ago I began to realize how structured my life is. I realized that for many years I’ve been on a “schedule” (in a sense). I attribute this scheduling to my youth. While growing up, I’d say my family was pretty much set to routine. We ate dinner at a certain time everyday (very early, because my dad usually had appointments), went to bed at a certain time, went to pizza hut on Friday nights, (and much much more). Everything was just so particular, and so predictable. And of course, life is this way for many people. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying that I feel like my entire life has been planned out, and well, scheduled. I’ve been trying really hard to break the mold and change things up.
My mom is a very habitual woman. At any given moment, I could tell you where she’s at, and 90% of the time, I would be right. Week after week, it’s the same activities, the same places, the same people, and all at the same time (as planned). I’m not saying any of this in resentment. Because truthfully, I love that my mom has an established schedule. I love knowing where she is and that she is safe. In this ever-changing world, it’s great having something inevitable. I’m glad that my mom is happy with her life the way it is.
But for myself, I knew it was time for change. I was still eating dinner at 4:00 every night, just because that’s what I had always done. I didn’t know anything different. This goes way further than just eating dinner at a certain time. There are so many things I do routinely, without even thinking about it. I feel like so many people live their lives by the minute (and I am oh so guilty of this). What I mean is, at a certain time, you just know it’s time to do something in particular. I set an alarm to wake up at the same time everyday, even on the weekend. Something in my head just tells me to do this. I aim to be in bed by a certain time for each night of the week. I leave places at a particular time. I feel like so much of my time is planned out. I worry so much about sticking to this imaginary schedule, that I seldom have time to “just be”. It’s hard for me to enjoy what I’m doing because I’m so worried about what I need to do next. It’s like there’s an alarm going off in my head telling me “it’s time to do this”, “it’s time to go here or there”. And I hate it. I’ve hated it for a long time, but I always kept up with the same routines because, well, it’s all I’ve ever done. It’s what I’m used to, and it makes me comfortable.
Up until recently, I’ve never really challenged myself to get off this time schedule. But I’m really glad I finally did. Life is short and my time here is not endless. No one’s time is endless. I’ve been working diligently at stepping out of my comfort zone. I’ve been trying new things, and making a better effort not to live by the clock. I get my work done, and then I do what I want with no time limits or no expectations to fulfill. No one is stopping me from living the life I want. Why have I let time control me for so long?
A suggestion to anyone who can relate to this post in any way: don’t live your life on a timed schedule. Just because you’ve always done something a certain way or at a certain time, doesn’t mean it can’t be done differently. Start by adjusting your daily routine in small ways. Being predictable isn’t a bad thing, but it never hurts to try something new. We are only given one life to live. Stop looking at the clock and live free.